Sunday, February 08, 2009

Icarus be damned or "Back in the saddle again."

I started on the floor last week, and much to my relief, feel much more confident and happy as a cardiac nurse than a trauma nurse.

In fact, despite having worked with very sick patients with complex care needs (Swanned, a dozen drips, intubated on nitric) I feel I was able to teach (if not to the patient, to the family) more in the last week than I did all year long as a fake trauma nurse.

What can I say? I'm sure I'm gonna be in some scary-ass, balls-to-the-wall situations and just like in trauma, I'm gonna feel green and new and scared shitless.

On the other hand, I feel much more engaged with my work, much more personally invested in the challenges, and just generally all around happier to be working a specialty I had the temerity to leave.

Meanwhile, being on orientation means a month of days--which is absolute heaven. Sleeping at night, and working during the day is a lifeline for me, and I absolutely dread the thought of working nights again. I wonder how long I'll be able to last this time until I reach my breaking point again.

In other news--I purchased a real wood bookshelf (bah! particleboard, she says) and, now that my books aren't in tottering piles all around the living room, and I can see what tomes I actually own, I've actually decided to pick up a few and see what I can make of them.

So far, I'm slogging through Oliver Davies' "A Theology of Compassion" and riffling about in Etty Hillesum's letters/diaries. Also musn't forget the pulse-quickening (ack! bad, bad metaphor!) "Hemodynamic Monitoring." It's been awhile since I've had a patient sick enough to need a Swan-Ganz catheter, and let me tell you--all those numbers and drips and shit? You'd better have a vague idea of what you're doing, boy howdy.

Charmed life, indeed.