There comes a time in every working stiff's joyless, overtaxed burden of an existence where one gives in to the sublime temptation of writing a cover letter detailing exactly how they feel about supplicating for another lousy job.
And thus, the moment has come, dear friends and readers, to unveil to the cover letter everybody has fantasized about writing (and sending!) at least once in their career:
Objective: Get a Job. Make $. Pay my fucking bills.
Dear Sir/Madam:
I think your institution is lame and all I've ever heard from my colleagues and the community at large is how sucky it is to work there, but frankly, I'm desperate to pay my bills. Sure, I'll take a job at your crap facility if it means I can make rent for another month. And sure, I'll even pretend this letter is about caring, and furthering my job skills, but we both know that's a joke. You need someone to wipe and kiss ass and take the fall when a big lawsuit happens, I need to pay off my student loans and eat ramen for the rest of my life.
So, let's make a deal: you pretend to give me a real job that treats me like a sentient human being, and I'll pretend to work and give a shit about your company values. You pretend to give me money for the job, and I'll pretend I can actually make a living with your sucky wages. Capeche? If I don't hear from you, well, let's just say Big T's Resume Service has a sister company called Big T's Wrecking Service. (And we don't wreck cars, if you catch my drift).
Sincerely,
Your future disgruntled employee
cc: Big T.'s Resume Service.
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2 comments:
Party on, Wayne. You've captured what I feel in just about every letter of the sort that I write.
I'm glad it adequately captured the ennui and frustration of having to write those damned letters in the first place ;-).
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