Best Little Hellhouse in Florida

So, after surviving with the Car Trip From Hell (including exclusive episode of the phenomenon known in certain circles as canem vomitus in automobilus, I had to also deal with this in my supposedly luxury apartment:

(Which incidentally happens to be the bottom of a kitchen cabinet with a distinctly Section 8 housing look to it, not the type of cabinet you'd think would be found in a unit with internet access and a nice gym in the clubhouse down the street, in case you though you're were actually looking at a Rorchach, which I did at first.)

And this:


And this!:
Luckily, I had this: (Read closely, it says EMERGENCY ALARM, and it's wired ino the bedroom wall of the place):


I got to the place around 3 and by 6 p.m. was like:


Now I and look like this:

I checked into a Marriott studio hotel and start work tomorrow, so it should be fun to go around howling and smashing dog sleds. Plus, if you press my right foot, I sing like Burl Ives and give a realistic canned roar before I eat you steak tartar style with chutney relish--just like the good old Bumble himself would, I imagine.

And all for the low, low Walmart price of $9.24.