Returning to Regularly Scheduled Reality (Next Week)

So, unemployment is really not that bad.

Sure, there's no money coming in, and I've been spending it faster than you can say "bankruptcy," but on the other hand, I haven't enjoyed myself this much in three years (yeah, that's like, before the Northeast fiasco, and the nursing job from hell). Three of the longest, most unhappy years of my life, followed by a decent job and a massive lapse in my health, which wasn't/isn't very fun. But I'm recovering! And Slytherin will help me on my way to greatness!

Oh wait, wrong children's series.

Yesterday, I went to the ocean and went for a walk through the surf. I went for a swim before turning back. I watched young people sunbathe and flirt; was visually accosted by old scrawny men with hairy backs gimping around in way-too-revealing speedos, and observed moms dig sandcastles with their nekkid-as-jaybird-toddlers (the sight of which made me hope the kiddies had lots of SPF 700 applied liberally to their birthday suits, and also, I don't even want to think about whether or not the boy and girl bits can sunburn because that's just a fate worse than death.)

I haven't felt that relaxed and happy for a long time. I didn't have to hurry back home and have a nap so I wouldn't be exhausted for work the next day, although I did come home and have a nap any way, and then got up and watched "Grey's Anatomy" which has always been Primetime's Least Accurate Portrayal of Hospital Life Ever, But, Who Cares, Look At the Eye Candy! Look at it! I say!

Okay, so we don't care that nobody speaks or acts the way they do on that show, because we all know perfectly well that if the universe actually worked according to the metaphysical laws that seem to govern the Grey's universe, no one would watch the show. Nay, they'd be too busy engaging sexy trysts with Patrick Dempsey-types in between codes and getting all post call chummy with the chief attending, senior resident, the latest attending-du-jour and a whole bunch of fun intern pals at the local watering hole! Because the first thing I think about after my hospital shift is, "Gee! How can I spend even more time with these really cool people with whom I spend most of waking hours?! Maybe I can room with some interns! Or live in the basement of the hospital, so that I can work the floor whenever I want!"

That's. So. Not. Reality. People.

And where do they get the idea that there's like, one nurse who works in the ER, OR, OB/GYN, ICU, and med-surg whenever plot contriviances deem it necessary? And that interns just randomly run codes on LVAD patients without anyone else in the whole hospital noticing until the patient is sent to the OR? And that medical staff is that good looking? I mean, have they been to a hospital lately? Have they ever seen an intern thirty six hours post call? Don't they know that even if we wanted to sleep with our attendings, we probably wouldn't do it in an empty patient room because of risk of colonizing our privates with MRSA and VRE?

But you see, reality is not the point of the show, which is why it's such a hit, and why I wish it really was that sexy and intelligent to work in a hospital, because wow what a hot ticket job I'd have.

I don't want to be a nurse anymore! I just want to play one on t.v., and especially if the gig requires hanging out with Sandra Oh all day. I mean, just look at her. She's so tall and hot. And that hair! Are we sure she's really Korean? I mean, no offense to my ethnic homies, but uh, we don't exactly have a lot of sexy going on out there. A lot of geeky types who were once highschool class treasurer and members of Junior Civitans and National Honor Scholars, whose college bee-line for a medical degree are funded by successful dry cleaners and grocery mom-and-pop enterprises from sea to shining sea, yes, but well... when it comes to objectively hot pop iconcs, we're kind of umm... sadly deficient.

Meanwhile, in my mundane world, where the sexiest words I've ever had an attending mutter to me is, "Discharge the annoying med-seeker STAT, please," I must figure out why my CD-RW compatible stereo isn't playing my CD-RW cds I burned this afternoon.

Not nice. Not nice at all.