Alien Nation.

So, I was at the table with all these Other Nurses, and off in my own little world, thinking about whether or not I should break out my ACLS handbook during break, or whether that would look totally geeky, and then thinking about how I wished I had something more fun to do than sit here and be treated like a pre-school aged moron, like drive rusted nails up my nose. Far, far up into my brain.

While pre-occupied with these amusing thoughts, I picked up on the Young Nurse next to me, who was saying, "...and I've decided on veal, and chicken, and fish."

And Token Black Nurse says "Oh, yeah, those are good selections!"

And I think, "Are they fucking talking about their stupid Jenny Craig diets?! How is it I know, instinctively, that these people aren't going to know the IVP bolus rate of amiodarone, either? Can't I find people who want to talk about ACLS protocol, or the latest stroke research or which Latin declension is their absolute favorite?

And then Young Nurse starts blabbing on and on about "It's fifty dollars a plate!"

And at first, I think, "Wow! Those Jenny Craig diets have really gone up in price! I'm glad nursing makes me an anorexic stick! So much cheaper that way!"

Then I realize, as Young Nurse starts rhapsodizing about The Dress, With the Bustle And the Train and all that crap, that she's talking about her upcoming wedding.

I could only stand the prattle for about thirty seconds more, even though I wasn't participating in the inane drivel. I got up from the table, walked around, went to the bathroom, and wished I had thought to bring a "water bottle" of 80 proof vodka. Then, wishing I could flush myself down the toilet and end up in sewage rather than go back to Wedding Wurld, I steeled myself with the thought of how one day, I'll meet someone who does know the IVP bolus rate of amiodarone and has ACLS protocol memorized by heart.

And guess what?

That nurse was still fucking talking about her lame ass dress.

I thought, "Oh my fucking God. If I were a male, and a nurse, and constantly around these kinds of women, I'd totally, totally be gay. Everyone thinks I'm gay, already, and no guy ever fucking talks about flower arrangements and whether or not sequins on the dress is too eighties, or cool, and retro, or whatever."