stealing candy from a baby. or protestants.

Today at orientation, which was held in a conference room of a church, I wandered into the kitchen, and noticed they had all this unattended candy (and money!) lying around.

I thought about just taking the candy, but then thought, "You can't do that. It'd be liking having sex in a church confessional!"

Then I thought, "But, these people are Protestants, with the cheesy photographs of a clearly Caucasian, non-Jewish, blonde Brad-Pitt-look-alike Jesus standing around in a lush, Florida landscape so unlike backwater Galilee. I thought they weren't into iconography, those hypocritical bastards! Those silly pictures alone make me feel they deserve to have their stupid candy robbed from their stupid Christian Fellowship Kitchen."

Catholics are also hypocritical bastards, but they're also not about to leave money lying around. Especially money and candy. (Unless these Catholics are also pedophilic priests trying to lure their next victim. Har har.)

Poor Protestant Reformers. They worked so hard, and this shitty denominational spin-off lameness is the crap historical thanks they get in return for being burned at the stake and run out of Europe.

N.B. This post is your post, this post is my post. It's meant in jest. As in fun. As in, I'm joking, people. Like laughing and stuff, not religious belligerence. Okay, well, maybe a little religious belligerence. But not that much. Because face it, I don't have much of an audience to begin with, much less alienate.