krusty.

Man, do you ever have one of those shit days, that's of the "crappage" variety?

"Crappage" is my portmanteau of "crap" and "garbage." See: crappage. And it means roughly the same thing, as in crap and garbage, except it's a portmanteau, so you don't have to use the conjunctions. See?! Portmanteau. My new word for when I crush the 5th grade spelling bee.

Use it. Appropriate it. Love it. Crappage.

Any way, driving home from my parents home (at which I was told, "dear girl, you haven't put on a pound of weight since you came home!" and plied with cookies, cakes and icecream of all sorts of things before being told "you could waste away to nothing and die this way, you know!) Yeah, or I could go into DKA need an insulin drip, mom, so stop trying to cram Kitkats and chocolate milk down my throat at the same time.

I"m working on getting another nursing job and just utterly bummed about this prospect. All the attendant stress is already piling up on me and making me unable to sleep and I haven't even gotten a call back. I don't want the pain! I don't! NO god! NO!

And yet, here I, deciding between telemetry prn and a hardcore ICU internship. Do I really want to do this shit? Take even more unsable, more likely to code on my ass patients?

I don't know. Sword of Damocles, just get on with it and kill me, please. then I am no longer liable for my own decision making processes. maybe just for the time being I'll make life decisions based on some postmodern generator of decision making out there on the web. I'm sure there has to be one, right?

Right now, I'm gonna knit and eat Doritos and try to remember why it was I thought I would make a good, wonderful, caring nurse. And also, why it was that I somehow didn't realize that nursing was going to turn me into a 90 lb stick with screwed up intenstines.

On top of that, I *really* think my diverticuli are acting up again--have some right sided pain again that is intermittently pretty nasty.

Maybe something exciting will happen, like I'l perf my bowel and go the MICU or SICU and be all "life or death" for a couple of days.

or maybe I'l just end up on some dumpy surgical ward, NPO, taking antibiotics which make me shit and feel hungover, until my WBC count goes down.

I love this disease!