There are times when work is work.
And then there are times when work is Wurk, or even Werk.
I'm so exhausted from my last round of Crazy Patients, even the normal patients with the nice family members, were alarmed by The Craziness.
PATIENT:
[yells loudly the hallway from hospital bed]
WHERE'S MY NURSE?!!! I ASKED FOR HER FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO!!!
PATIENT FAMILY MEMBER:
[in a room down the hallway from Yelling Patient, looking shocked]
Oh my! Do you have those kinds of patients all the time?! They're so rude and mean!
JAMIE:
[doing Nurse Stuff with the really sick patient who is too sick to yell]
Ummm, they're not... well... let's say... they're not exactly uncommon.
PATIENT FAMILY MEMBER:
[with shocked look on face]
Oh my God! You poor thing! On another unit, we saw a bedpan go flying out of a room and down a hallway! How can people do things like that?!
JAMIE:
[lying through teeth]
Oh, well, you know, the nice ones make up for it.
Another hint: a real patient emergency is not "Turn up my room temperature to 90 degrees," when it already is turned up to 90 degrees, or "Give me another blanket," when you already have five piled on top of you. Hence, these requests do not get prioritized as STAT or even ASAP, no matter how much you fuss, especially if there is someone sicker than you at the mo'. You know, like, a patient who requires actual nursing care, because this is a hospital, not Club Med For Fussy Old People.
And, if you've been yelling for a nurse all shift long, chances are, you don't need a nurse. What you really need is to go home (not to mention a swift kick in the ass).
[yells loudly the hallway from hospital bed]
WHERE'S MY NURSE?!!! I ASKED FOR HER FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO!!!
PATIENT FAMILY MEMBER:
[in a room down the hallway from Yelling Patient, looking shocked]
Oh my! Do you have those kinds of patients all the time?! They're so rude and mean!
JAMIE:
[doing Nurse Stuff with the really sick patient who is too sick to yell]
Ummm, they're not... well... let's say... they're not exactly uncommon.
PATIENT FAMILY MEMBER:
[with shocked look on face]
Oh my God! You poor thing! On another unit, we saw a bedpan go flying out of a room and down a hallway! How can people do things like that?!
JAMIE:
[lying through teeth]
Oh, well, you know, the nice ones make up for it.
Here's a Hospital Tip: If you are shouting at the top of your lungs for your nurse, it means you're still breathing and your heart is still beating. Really sick people rarely shout for help. You know, because they are too sick to have the lung capacity or energy reserves required to shout.
Another hint: a real patient emergency is not "Turn up my room temperature to 90 degrees," when it already is turned up to 90 degrees, or "Give me another blanket," when you already have five piled on top of you. Hence, these requests do not get prioritized as STAT or even ASAP, no matter how much you fuss, especially if there is someone sicker than you at the mo'. You know, like, a patient who requires actual nursing care, because this is a hospital, not Club Med For Fussy Old People.
And, if you've been yelling for a nurse all shift long, chances are, you don't need a nurse. What you really need is to go home (not to mention a swift kick in the ass).
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