Sometimes, it's the Shit-Hits-the-Fan type, like the guy who coded last week, or the blood transfusion reaction guy tonight.
Or, it could be just the little things, like being asked to go into a room to help out another nurse, and have this kind of conversation with a family member:
FAMILY MEMBER:
Oh! There you are! Look at his feet! They're getting sores! Sores! He needs Neosporin cream on them! And Blah blah, the nurse, was supposed to get it!
JAMIE:
[thinking: "Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean."]
Uh, I"m sorry, can I get you something?
FAMILY MEMBER:
[increasingly agitated and hostile]
Where's the neosporin?!
JAMIE:
[wondering what the hell she's talking about it, as I'm just doing a favor to a nurse and answering a call light]
Well, I'm sure Nurse Blah Blah is taking care of it for you. He's doing an admission right now, but there still needs to be a medical order and then pharmacy needs to process the medication.
FAMILY MEMBER:
[snottily, like I'm trying to fuck with her]
Oh, I see. Pharmacy has to "process" the order." I see, it's a
"process."
JAMIE:
[getting super pissed off at this point herself, because what the fuck is wrong with Uber Bitch Wife-a-tolla?]
Uh, yeah, it's a process, unfortunately, and it does take some time. Can I get anything else for you?
.
WIFE-ATOLLA:
[as if I'm personally responsible for the dirtiness, when I haven't ever taking care of the patient]
Umm, yes. He needs new Ted socks. These are filthy!
[Flicks socks away dramatically. Turns away in a huff and says dismissively:]
Oh, and some pillowcases.
JAMIE:
[pretending to Fake Care, because now I'm feeling like a slave, and wondering why I didn't just pretend my own patients needed something, and avoid this fucking stupid call bell]:
Uh, yeah. I'll see what I can do about that.
JAMIE:
[decides "The Process" of me retrieving linen for the crazy family member is now going to take about 15 minutes to find all the crap Uberbitch wife wanted, and could have had, in like 30 seconds, if she'd been nice about the stupid fucking neosporin.]
Oh! There you are! Look at his feet! They're getting sores! Sores! He needs Neosporin cream on them! And Blah blah, the nurse, was supposed to get it!
JAMIE:
[thinking: "Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean."]
Uh, I"m sorry, can I get you something?
FAMILY MEMBER:
[increasingly agitated and hostile]
Where's the neosporin?!
JAMIE:
[wondering what the hell she's talking about it, as I'm just doing a favor to a nurse and answering a call light]
Well, I'm sure Nurse Blah Blah is taking care of it for you. He's doing an admission right now, but there still needs to be a medical order and then pharmacy needs to process the medication.
FAMILY MEMBER:
[snottily, like I'm trying to fuck with her]
Oh, I see. Pharmacy has to "process" the order." I see, it's a
"process."
JAMIE:
[getting super pissed off at this point herself, because what the fuck is wrong with Uber Bitch Wife-a-tolla?]
Uh, yeah, it's a process, unfortunately, and it does take some time. Can I get anything else for you?
.
WIFE-ATOLLA:
[as if I'm personally responsible for the dirtiness, when I haven't ever taking care of the patient]
Umm, yes. He needs new Ted socks. These are filthy!
[Flicks socks away dramatically. Turns away in a huff and says dismissively:]
Oh, and some pillowcases.
JAMIE:
[pretending to Fake Care, because now I'm feeling like a slave, and wondering why I didn't just pretend my own patients needed something, and avoid this fucking stupid call bell]:
Uh, yeah. I'll see what I can do about that.
JAMIE:
[decides "The Process" of me retrieving linen for the crazy family member is now going to take about 15 minutes to find all the crap Uberbitch wife wanted, and could have had, in like 30 seconds, if she'd been nice about the stupid fucking neosporin.]
So here's a lesson to all you Crazy People out there: If you have a troll or minion, and wish the troll or minion to do your bidding, for best results, treat them with kindness.
If you have a nurse attending to some bullshit problem of yours, you don't even have to be nice. Just don't be totally psycho, okay?
I'm just a nurse, not the Neosporin Goddess of Leg Balm, who can dramatically barf up a tube of Neosporin on demand for your loved one.
And, I can get you or your loved one all kinds of things, like pillowcases and Ted hose, but don't expect me to go running all STAT like it's an emergency if you treat me like a pile of shit.
If you have a nurse attending to some bullshit problem of yours, you don't even have to be nice. Just don't be totally psycho, okay?
I'm just a nurse, not the Neosporin Goddess of Leg Balm, who can dramatically barf up a tube of Neosporin on demand for your loved one.
And, I can get you or your loved one all kinds of things, like pillowcases and Ted hose, but don't expect me to go running all STAT like it's an emergency if you treat me like a pile of shit.
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