ave Caesar morituri te salutamus

Do you ever have the unpleasant sensation that clinicians describe as a "feeling of impending doom?" Usually associated with flash pulmonary edema, acute MI, angina pectoris, and anaphylaxis (among other things), I can think of one other purely psychological cause (at least for me): contemplating going to work.

I mean, okay, I survived a mountain of paperwork related to orientation (including mandatory comprehensive exams upon which employment is contingent) plus hours of mind/ass numbing drudgery related to computer training, but um... will I remember how to be a nurse tomorrow?

Not very likely, given the fact that today at defib/cardioversion training I sat there for endless seconds (along with four other nurses) staring at the LikePak 20 when our fake dummy patient was supposed to be in some pulseless rhythm that required transcutaneous pacing. One of the nurses used the AED function, which was mercilessly pooh-poohed by the clinical instructor. Okay, we get it, we suck. That was only slightly mortifying.

To offbalance my neurosis, however, I've been told that the stepdown unit I'll be on is one of the best in the hospital, and that I have great coworkers and an "awesome" manager. Notice that the adjective "awesome" rarely modifies the noun "nurse manager." The nurse I was talking to couldn't say enough good things about her. This is in stark contrast to my typical conversation with a nurse, who usually roundly abuses and villifies her NM any chance she gets--and it's usually well deserved bashing, unfortunately.

I'm just a traveler, but I'm amazed that I've been asked whether or not I want to work three-twelves-in-a-row or not, and if I have any specific requests for time off. Really?! The way it worked on my old floor was the reverse-psychology method. For instance, if you wanted to work three-in-a-row, you had to say in your schedulng request "Please never ever put me on three-in-a-row, because [insert valid reason here]." This way, you'd be guaranteed to work three-in-a-row. If you wanted to work a permutation of certain days, you had to ask for any other days, otherwise, your scheduling request typically never was honored.

Because normally it's all about treating you like a stupid troll, you see.

Mostly, things have been going well. Initially, it was very scary being in a room full of people I didn't know. But then I forget that on the whole nurses tend to be very friendly, kind human beings, and we all quickly bonded during orientation.

Meanwhile, I have to bolster myself and my sad little ego, and think that if I can survive [community hospital of doom] for a year, I can survive three months just about any where.

I really hope it doesn't turn out that I didn't learn anything at my old hospital, except advanced babysitting techniques and tomorrow I don't get crushed in the shadows of Uber-Nurse coworkers.

Please don't hurt me. I'm small, and probably pre-osteoporotic. It won't take a lot to crush me, or my fragile little ego.