Repeat 100 times: I will not make fun of stupid people.

Oh, who the hell am I kidding, of course I will.

The funny thing about Ivy League employees is that they universally hate the students whose tuition pays their undeserved wages. I don't wholly blame the employees for their miserable attitudes, as most of the students I ran into outside of the school of nursing tended to be snotty-nosed prats. It was the only institution I ever went to where you'd say "Hi!" to another fellow student in the hallways, or wherever, and get a silent glare in return.

Well. We Novo Collegians were a smelly, granola-ish lot, but we were, by and large, quite friendly, happy-go-lucky kids.

I was just talking to a good friend of mine on the phone today, when I realized Ivy League School of Doom was the worst financial, and possibly life, decision I've ever made.

I incurred a whopping 50% of my student loan debt in one and half years of school there. It makes me cringe to even think about it, and to tell you the truth, the thought that I might actually have some other random loan out there I didn't know about makes me want to hop on the next plane to Costa Rica and live the life of a sea-side mammacita, insisting my name is Rosita Perez when questioned by immigration authorities.

I still think Financial Aid Office is full of shit, since they think I'm deliquent on their Perkins Loans (this makes me think that I should send everything return-receipt-required, so they can't claim they didn't get the damn documents) and I'm patently not, and also, don't you think it would be nice if the school like, you know, let you know you had extra loans with them, rather than spring it on you all smug-like when you least expect it?

If I were a Marine, I'd insert a big long string of suitable cuss words here. So imagine I'm a Marine for a moment.

Ah. I feel much better now.

Any way, I was all calm and happy before the ugly tentacles of that horrible school reached out from its miserable skanky retreat and tried once again to latch on.

Bastards! Scum! Vermin! For now I have to fly home, rummage through my stuff, find proof I've been paying my loans all along, and send a big long snotty letter back detailing the whys and wherefores of my long-suffering past year committed to giving one third of monthly wages to clothe and feed the already fabulously rich academically well-endowed.

Fucking bastards!

No child of mine will ever darken their doorsteps! Nay! I shall defy those evil fuckers, and my children shall go to community college and then on to a decent public state school, or maybe even vocational school if it's the last, loose-meat sandwich-on- bleached-flour-Wonder-Bread blue collar thing I do with my life.