Polonium: A New Fragrance From The Tobacco Industry

In response to a friend's alert to this disturbing New York Times article about what else we're inhaling second-hand, I composed this off-the-cuff:

Light up, and *really* glow in the dark with our new fragrance, Polonium.
Earthy and sensual, you'll make the fallout radiation meters stand at attention
and give new "radiance" to post-Cold War parties. Radio-free Europe? Who needs
it! Make a bold statment with Polonium, the fragrance that spits in the eye of
conventional wisdom regarding inhalation of radionuclide disgorging alpha
particles!

Ha, ha ha. I kill myself.

And so will that polonium we're all inhaling!