in which Jamie freaks out

So, I had a moment when I saw an overhead view of Seattle and thought, "Wow. That's a really big city. Really big."

Then I realized I was going to be there, and started getting Anxious. Sure, I've done adventurous, potentially career-destroying things like deciding "Hey, I'll become a travel nurse with less than a year's nursing experience!" And it was fun, and I learned a lot, etc. etc.

But, moving all the time is getting exhausting. I'm not sure what I expected, but probably I was hoping to find a staff job by now, or something. But, the more time I spend traveling, the more confused I become. Should I do ICU? Should I become an NP or CNS? Should I go back to school and get an MSN or a PhD? Should I have a bagel or an English muffin? Etc. etc.

I figured by now in life I would have figured some stuff out, like what I really wanted to do, where I really wanted to live, and how I really felt about all kinds of stuff I think of as "grown up stuff."

The truth is, I have no fucking clue.

But, I am going to the Northwest Pacific!

Maybe I would have been better off being born in the former Soviet Union, and some bureaucrat in Moscow could have decided when I was ten that I was going to be a potato farmer in or a secretary, and that would have been that.