proof of life.

Hello, gentlereaders!

I've been in Seattle for a little over a week now, and so far, happy as a clam. Living right downtown, I can be One Of Those Tourists, Taking Pictures of Everything And Driving In A Sucky Manner Which Pisses Off and Scares the Beejesus Out Of A Bunch of Random Pedestrians I've Nearly Killed While Running Red Lights. (Nota bene: Accidentally running red lights. I'd never break the law on purpose. Snarf.)

Dude, man, I'm not used to all this city-living! I am a country bumpkin, from flat-land Florida, where we have tons of space to lay pavement across our precious wetlands (read: swamp) and construct 8 acre parking lots for the convenience of our hot, sweaty, heat-beleaugered population! Where one way streets don't exist (much!). And, where traffic is just as shitty as any major metropolitan area, but without interesting things to do and see.

But first, because Jamie is Jamie, and Must Do Her Daily Quota Of Bitching Or Else Swell Up, Implode, and Die, here's a quick list of slight dislikes. (There's only two, and it's barely even a paragraph worth--you can make it, readers, I promise!)

First of all:

The cold weather was kind of, umm--cold. Like, with the wind and stuff? I was a little disturbed at first, but just this past week it turned crispy-cool in the morning, to downright pleasant in the afternoon!

And second:

The horrendous price of gas (3.31/gallon USD is as cheap as I've seen it, and some places want your first born, plus the title to any property you own.)

Now, on to the Tasty Goodness of Seattle!

So, I'm all agog-with-wonder at the hills! And mountains! And the sort-of-fresh air! And the parking ramps, mysterious, labrynith-like underground parking lots and bi-level Targets!

Because I have recently rediscovered my midwestern roots (thanks in part to David) I must pause to spend a few luxurious moment talking about This Great Midwestern Institution. (Yes, I'm sorry, Amy, we have to talk about Target now. It's like, practically required reading in grade schools across Minnesota.)

So, I am officially instituting a Target Time Out (like in the OR, get it?!) I kill myself with the nursing jokes, I really do. No wonder they give me all the demented patients--they think we'll get along really well as we have similar mental issues.

Okay, so I admit to being kind of fascinated and yet weirded out by the bi-level Targets with elevators and escalators with the Cart-o-Matic feature. (Okay, I made up the Cart-o-Matic feature. I have no idea what it's called, but it's a little automated ramp for your cart which works in concert with the escalators, because It Would Be Bad, Probably, if we all just through our Market Pantry goods down to the first level and pray for the best.

Of course, upon seeing Cart-o-Matic, the first thing I thought was: I wonder if people have left their kids in the shopping carts on the way down the ramp.

The answer didn't remain a secret for very long, as I noted a pictogram on the Cart-o-Matic which seemed to be telling Stick Figure Parental Figure: GOD FORBID YOU LEAVE YOUR STICK FIGURE PROGENY IN THE CART DURING THE TRANSPORTATION OF YOUR CART .

The good news is, it didn't exactly say what would happen to the kid, or to the parent, if the kid was left in the cart, so we can allow our imaginations to run free.

Also, I'm sure Cart-o-Matic has been trademarked by someone else (Lawyer Loz would know) but I am going to commit TM Mortal Sin and use it any way. Because I like it.

Being kind of a curmudgeonly bitch when it comes to small, annoying kids who whine and scream too much--probably remind me too much of myself as an adult--I'm seriously tempted to stick a kid in the cart on the way down the Cart-o-Matic and see what happens.

I'm guessing it probably offbalances the cart, and the kid would go flying out of the cart. Hey, as long as my precious Target goods weren't disturbed, who cares. I wouldn't use my kid or I kid I actually liked, any way. Maybe, though, I'd experiment all Rube Goldberg experiment-style using the random screaming, annoying kid who won't shut up and is driving every one secretly batshit. I'm sure his/her mother wouldn't mind losing Screaming Annoying Kid--especially if she has like two or three spare kids laying around in case she loses one to the jaws of Cart-o-Matic. I'm sure she could get an nice settle-out-of-court-for-an-undisclosed-sum-of-money lawsuit against Target as a bonus for losing Screaming Annoying Kid, any way.

Okay. End Target rhaposdy. I wish I had thought to bring my camera and take pictures of Cart-o-Matic. It really is worth a separate blog entry.

Any way, with much effort, I am extracting myself from the Target train of thought...

Oh yeah, and then there's downtown Seattle. I live right near the water, and Pike Place Market. Piper and I go a-wandering, but the batteries in my camera are dying, and I haven't remembered to buy more, but last week, in between sleeping off TheCross Country Trip for twenty hours at a time, I took pictures of A Portion of the Amazing Seattle Skyline, By Jamie:


Yes, if you look very closely (or click on the picture to maximize it) that little bit peeking out shyly from the building at the left edge of photo is the infamous Space Needle. I wanted this experience to be a Where's Waldo of Seattle, you see. (Actually, that's not true. I just can't photograph anything worth a damn).

The grey building is the Seattle Aquarium, which has been recently renovated (and, if you click on the hyperlink, you can actually see the front of the building. You can tell photography was not an elective I chose to pursue during college. The Seattle Aquarium also boasts salt water sales (apparently for salt water aquarium enthusiasts). Is this a boon for Aquarium People? I have no idea, the practice of lugging mammalian pets cross-country being enough of a project for me, personally, without adding cold blooded water-dwelling creatures, etc, to the fray.

David and I liked the Meet Leonard link. I like the idea of the fish underdog (yes, I know that's an oxymoron). (Be sure to click on "My Life" and "Menu" to learn more about Leonard.)

Piper and I also went down the... I don't know... Wharf? Is that what it's called? We don't know, but we liked the view:


You might have enjoyed it better, actually, if I wasn't such a suck-ass photographer (or snap-shot taker, really; I have to downgrade myself from such a lofty title as "photographer"). I always insist on taking pictures when the sun is shining directly on the scene/person/whatever. Maybe I should start a new, postmodern school of photography, called solafoto (that looks like a nasty Italian swear word, doesn't it?). Hmmm. Maybe not.

We also walked around the Fake Wharf (I'm assuming fisherman in days of yore did not toss off their fishing gear and walk into a climate controlled restaurant at the end of a fishing trip and say, 'Ar, I'll have a Sam Adams and some fried lard." Or maybe they did. I don't know.):


(Yeah, I know, It's another sideview of the building. So put me in the Cart-o-Matic thingie and be done with it, already.)