Wednesday, June 20, 2007

chest pain roulette.

Today is my day off.

I say this like I didn't just have an unexpected day off two days ago.

I say this like "I've-been-working-on-a-railroad-all-the-live-long-day."

I say this like I don't have the best nursing job I've ever had.

I mean, yeah, yesterday was busy. I had four patients, one of whom wanted morphine every two hours for mysterious 6/10 chest pain, then got up and walked around, looking completely normal (except for the orange lipstick smeared indiscriminately and with complete disregard as to the boundary of her lips).

If she saw you coming, she might start huffing and puffing. Or maybe not. It just all depended on her mood, or the alignment of the stars, or how out of whack her chakras were (take that, Hattie!)

Then, at change of shift, I went up to five. My fifth patient was a little old lady who was "Italian speaking only" but mysteriously seemed to understand everything you said to her in English, except when it was something she didn't want to hear. Then, suddenly, she'd just smile and look blankly at you.

I love these old people with their selective sensory capacities. They crack me up.

They also make me a bit sad, because the end of human life looks so damn dumpy and depressing.

"Don't get old." If I've heard it once, I've heard it a thousand times in the hospital.

I'm like, "Okay, I'll try not to."

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