latin: the language of kick-ass.

I spent a lot of time on my days off a) sleeping b) watching crappy t.v.

I realize this is time I could have just as easily spent "improving" myself or "educating" myself by reading up on the latest stroke research (ahem to certain attendings).

But, sometimes, you have to sit and watch The Independent Film Channel, with That One Film Depicting Lives of Gay Men, Including a Strangely Cast Jason Alexander, and That Other Film, With Sandra Oh Before She Became Dr. Yang on Grey's Anatomy, and Still Another Film In French.

Because, if you haven't stolen cable lately, and don't have a foreign film channel, let me just remind you of the Mysterious Life Fact: most independent films are French. I think there's some contract somewhere, that states that 70% of the films on such channels shall be in the French language, on pain of death, or more inappropriately cast gay male movie characters.

I think my favorite line in the French film was, "See, I told you. All women are sluts." It sounded a lot more sophisticated in French, which is why I wish I could speak French in a hospital setting, so that when I'm dealing with idiots, I could just say, "See, I told you. All women are sluts!" and not only would most people have no idea what I just said, but sadly, I would have probably said something that the majority of the American public actually believes deep down inside their crappy little corrupt souls.

(Of course, anything in French sounds more sophisticated to Americans who don't speak French. You could say, 'My Aunt Georgette smells like my dog's ass!" and Americans would think you were saying something really complimetary about your dog's ass.)

Sometimes, I wish Latin were more popular in schools today, so that when I cuss people out in Latin, I wouldn't just have to do it silently. I'm telling you, there is nothing more satisfying to a School Dorkling than to curse your opponents under your breath in Latin by saying things like, Puella defutata! (A fun fourth/fifth century way of calling someone a "Whore!") or mumbling, "Dixit Dominus Domino meo: sede a dextris meis donec ponam inimicos tuos scabellum pedum tuorem!" (Loosely put, this is Biblical speak for: "God's gonna kick your ass, bitch!")