drug use 101

Okay, so here's some suggestions and tips for any one on illicit drugs who might one day visit a family member overnight in the hospital.

First of all: that red cart in the middle of the hallway, the one that says "Code Cart" on it?

Well, I know this might not be obvious, but, it's a code cart. You know, for medical emergencies. You might be able to tell it's used in emergencies, because of the scary looking equipment on top of it. Or the fact that it might have the word "Emergency" written on it somewhere.

One good thing to do, though, is to remember when you're looking for your fix, that when you read one of the code cart drawers has "meds" in it, that not all "meds" are "narcotics."

(To those who actually need this lecture, I'd show you a Venn Diagram here to illustrate the important lesson that: "All narcotics are meds, but not all meds are narcotics." Something, however, tells me I'd be wasting my precious time and energy. And, I might mean a Euler Diagram, but I don't want to go wiki it to make sure.)

Therefore--(now pay attention, kids, this is important!--)

The code cart is not full of heroin or crack.

Why not? Because this is a hospital, not a crack alley or heroin house.

It is also not full of legal narcotics for you to steal.

Why not? Because, as a rule, we don't leave legal narcotics in the middle of the hallway in some twist-tied shut drawers.

And, here's another tip:

If you already have heroin stuffed in your pockets, then a good thing to do would be to not get the heroin confiscated when you are arrested for going through the code cart, which--once again, boys and girls!-- does not contain narcotics.

In conclusion, the old adage rings true once again: a handful of narcs in your pocket is better than digging through a code cart for two handfuls of ACLS drugs, getting arrested and having another hand shoved up your arse to make sure you don't have more heroin up there.